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Karen Gillan

November 2012



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Nov. 28th, 2020

Karen Gillan

Art and Costume journal

I decided a while back that it was high time for me to make a seperate journal, 
[info]art_of_caladwenfor all my artistic endevors where I'll be posting updates for on-going costume projects (such as cosplay for Sakuracon & Kumoricon), sketches, icons and anything else I happen to make.

Check it out, and friend away if you want to keep updated!

Nov. 21st, 2012

Of course I'll be there <3

(no subject)

Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I haven't really taken the time to give it much thought since I've been burried in paper-writing and assignments. But! I do have a List~

Top 5 Things I am Thankful for right now:

1.The most amazing and supportive family ever, seeing as everything is in limbo land for me right now;
2. All the ridiculously talented, kind-hearted, funny, intelligent, and creative people I call friends - those within fandom that I only know on a textual biases, and those Fanish dorks I can go out with or have cuddle times with that I know in the flesh;
3. J.R.R. Toklien;
4.Space heaters;
5. The internet. Makes figuring out logistics of possible study abroad sooo much easier. I honestly have no idea how I would go about doing all this if it had to be snail-mail all the way.

OM NOM NOM. Foooood, booze and good people. ^____^

Oct. 21st, 2012

Quill-writing Lily

Updates; a blog in three parts

Written at work, Friday the 19th:

Well, tomorrow is my last day at my current job. It's mostly a good thing - I will be able to focus more on my studies and produce the quality of work I want, rather than run out of time and just settle for what I was able to do. And it's kinda not, 'cause, well, no job = no monies. And I don't think I'll be looking for one for at least a little while. I mean, I know there are places that will need more help during the holidays, but I really don't want to be working in most of those places. The reason I quite my job was so that the stress level would go down, and I would have time to actually *do* all of my reading/assignments, and thus not fail my classes. Also, I'd like to enjoy the holidays this year. Working in a bakery is alright most of the time, just not on Thanksgiving, or Christmas Eve, or any of the other days when you'd rather be off celebrating with family and friends. I might be a bit bitter about last year. Also, I'll be able to be creative, and do my own baking, and have time to sit and enjoy the time, instead of feeling like a rushed, stressed, miserable ball of goo.

Yep, good decision, me.

It's just... If I *am* able to go to Istanbul for the spring term, I wanted to have more money saved up for travel after than I do. Europe and the Mediterranean on a shoestring budget anyone? I want to be able to visit several places in several countries (friends in Barcelona and various locations in Germany, I have to see Florence while I'm over there, Rome would be awesome, as would Paris or any number of locations in France and Spain. I feel I should make a stop in Budapest (for reasons), a bunch of places in the UK... I could go on. Let me sum up: ALL THE PLACES!) for about a month or so after, and I should have about $2000 to do it on. I also plan on soliciting my extended family (as well as BrikSpace friends) for any funds they wish to contribute. In return, I shall blog (not here. Well, also for here, but other places for them), send photos, and bring back something for people who pitch in. Heck, I may even set up some kind of.. Donate to my Trip Fund, and I'll bake you cookies, draw/paint you a picture, make a silly vid, ect! post here and see if I can't get at least a little extra money for food or something whilst I do my international/overseas traipsing about.

Written at work, Saturday the 20th:

Aaaaand, of course my last day is turning out to be very long. Well, not in actuality any longer than my regular shifts, but it certainly feels much longer. Probably since I don't actually have any work to do right now, and shant until after lunch. So I'm just sitting around, pretty much doing nothing. Chatting with my co-workers a bit, but mostly just sitting around. Normally this wouldn't be too bad, but I finished the book I had been reading the past couple of weeks. Said book being the PDF. of Sam Starbuck's (copperbadge's) The Dead Isle, which I hadn't read since he was first writing it way back in, holy shit, 2007. It's sooo good. I remember it fondly from when I first read it, and it's only gotten better with re-writes and crazy-face editing. I fell in love with it all over again.

I recommend it highly to anyone who had the slightest interest in any of the following:
ADVENTURE; Airships; Madcap Engineering (of the steam engine variety); Steampunk; Alternative History; Espionage; Aliases; Magic; Racial Diversity; Well-written Main Characters who (mostly) aren't terrible people; Well-written, strong, kick-ass, Intelligent Female Characters; Trans-Atlantic Crossings; Waistcoats; Unlikely Heroes; Victorian Fashion and Variations thereof; Snarky Writers being Snarky (Author & Character); and Adorable People you want to hug and hang out with and tag along with on their inane and insane adventures. Also; Pirates.

My co-workers/Supervisor got me a couple of Bavarian Cream doughnuts from Krispy Kreme today as a farewell gift thingy. They are awesome people, and I'll miss working with all of them. This has been, by far, the best job experience I've had. It'll also be the shortest, sadly. And, my body has now acclimated itself, however grudgingly, to being up at Oh God o'clock. I suppose it's a good thing. I'm still going to plan on getting up at 6am (Shut up, morning people, I am not one of you, and that's still early.) 8am at the latest, under normal circumstances.

I'll also miss the paycheck.

It was really nice being able to buy things - for me and other people. I like giving gifts and treating people to yummy food, and I like getting cute shoes, and clothes that fit, look good, and don't fall apart on me. I like being able to save up for big things that I really want. Like travel money, or getting a car at some point. Ah, well. Back to living the student life. For a couple of years I would pretty much live off of whatever financial aid money didn't go directly to tuition. Granted, living with parents, not paying for rent, or food, hardly ever going out except for people's birthdays or something, and taking the bus everywhere and making do with clothes and shoes I'd had for a while. I can do that again. ::sigh:: It'll (hopefully) only be for another four-ish months, and it totally doesn't count when it's living off financial aid when you are in another country, right? 'Cause if we take that into consideration, then it'll be for the rest of the school year. I'll get a job next summer full time, if I can, and go down to part time once classes start back up again in the fall.

And then one of our Techs brought in VooDoo as well. Yee-yaah. My co-workers are awesome. Best last day ever.

... I may have a headache from all the deep-fried sugar. Or it could just be from not getting as much sleep as I'd like last night, and the constant white noise, and the not drinking enough water. Probably all of the above. I am all sugared out today. No more.

Written today, at home, Sunday the 21st:

So then my family went out to Applebee's after I got off work, and I had a berry sangria. So much for no more sugar. Meh, it was good.
I really should be doing a whole bunch of reading ( and the reading responses that go along with said readings) right now, or studying for my midterm on Wednesday, but I am instead, blogging  Early my procrastination made itself known in the forms of sleeping in, watching this week's episode of Merlin, taking a long shower (unrelated), and meeting up with some friends for our weekly Pizza & Mimosas meet up at Hot Lips.And then I've just been putting around, trying to find a comfy,quiet spot without distractions, but siblings happen. Now that most of my family is out of the house it's a bit easier, but then my sister decided that she wanted to start watching The Guild. So I made myself some more coffee and came upstairs to read/study. And apparently decided that updating livejournal was a good idea. I win at life guys. >.<

Right, study time! <3

Oct. 12th, 2012

Stop the world

(no subject)

So I handed in my two weeks notice yesterday. Pretty sure that's the only way I'm going to not fail any classes.
If all I was dealing with was school and work, I could probably swing it, but because of the accident my concentration isn't what it was, I'm exhausted all the time and the trips to the chiropractor two or there times a week cut into my already nonexistent time. I felt so much better after I made the decision to quit. Don't feel constantly on the verge of tears. Now I just have to get through the next couple of weeks.

Oct. 10th, 2012

Amy - Can&#39;t hear you

(no subject)

So I came across this song the other day. It's Darlin' Do Not Fear, by Brett Dennen, and it's wonderful and I really kind of want a Game of Thrones vid to it.
I mean really, with lines like "
I was half a world away from my home/ and I was hunted by the wolves /and I was heckled by the crows" (I just want to hug ALL THE CHARACTERS (especially Arya and Bran, and Jon and Sam, and Dany, and Tyrion...)) and "Your confidences fall as your faith etched in stone/ neither could comfort you from the wild unknown/ so bury your burning hatred like a hatchet in the snow" (Jooonnnnn and Saaaamm). Basically I love them all and want them to be happy. 

Oct. 8th, 2012

Lupin Snape Malfoy - GBF Vader

(no subject)

 So I've applied to study Art History abroad at Boğaziçi University over in Istanbul for the Spring Semester. :D:D:D

I've also applied for a couple of scholarships, including the Gilman - which is a pretty big one for study abroad, and they usually give you $5,000-8,000 if you win. So I'm really hopping that I can get that. I've got a few more scholarships I'll be applying for between now and the end of November.

...In addition to working 34ish hours a week and take 12 upper division, reading/writing heavy credits.

I'm gonna die. 

And not have any time for anything ever and probably not get the grades I want. But I *can* and *will* do this, because If I get accepted and get enough scholarship money to go, I'm going to travel afterwards and visit my friends all over Europe (hence the still working now - gotta have travel money!), and go see a bunch of places I've been wanting to for a very long time.

I really, really, really want to this to work out.

I think this is the most I've ever wanted anything in my whole life.

Pretty sure I'm going to be a jumble of nerves/emotionally unstable until I hear back about my admittance and scholarship awards. Hopefully I'll hear back from Boğaziçi  by the end of the month, but it won't be until late December/early January until I hear back about some of the scholarships. So I won't know for sure if I will be able to go or not until a month before I need to leave. >.<

::insert crazy/stressed face here::

Oct. 1st, 2012

Karen Gillan

Have all of my Real-life updates at once (try this whiplash on for size)

Welp. My girlfriend and I broke up today.

Woo, first break-up.


We both knew it was coming. We'd decided pretty early on that we couldn't do long-distance. This was when I was looking at Universities not in Portland. I decided to go to PSU so I'm still in town, but I'm crazy busy, and she's been having her own set of issue/ shity things to deal with/ teh crazy life, so we've barley seen each other for a while, and it's felt like it's been long distance for well over a month.

And now I've officially applied for a semester at Boğaziçi University in Istanbul to study Art History abroad this spring. It's going to be amazing if this all pans out.

We parted on good terms, but it still hurts, and it's going to take a while to get over her.

In other news, let me flail about and have ALL THE FEELINGS about ALL THE THINGS IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW Amy and Rory. And the Doctor and River, and the whole situation

Also, I was in a car accident and now my back and neck are kinda fucked up. Just what I needed when starting back up with full-time school (all upper-lever credits, too) while still working almost full-time. Totally a good idea, guys. 

I'm going to go die in a corner now, m'kay?

Sep. 24th, 2012

Quill-writing Lily

(no subject)

Well, after finishing up my associates degree at PCC and taking a year off to work and figure out where and what I'm doing next... It's my first day of classes at PSU as an Art History major. Yes, I'm still working (3 12-hour days every week instead of 4 one week and 3 the next), and yes, I'm taking a full course load. Yeeeaaah, no one is going to see me for the next few months. Goodbye social life, hello academics. I really have missed it though and it'll be really good to be back. :)

Jul. 21st, 2012

SBP forever

Thoughts Aren't for Thinking (You only Think They Are)

Written at work yesterday:
A month ago I sent myself the first two chapters of Shoebox to re-read at work when things were slow/between jobs/waiting for wafers to process/etc.
Yesterday I read the last two chapters, and today I finished up with the last little bits (the retrospective & Deathly Hellos). I had lots and lots of fun re-reading the whole thing - I hadn't in a really long time, at least not all the way through. I'd re-red a few chapters here and there, or Sixth Year, or something, but then I'd always get distracted by some other shiny, or I'd remember that it left off on a somewhat depressing note, and kinda just... not finish.
It feels a bit odd saying this, but I almost wish Rave & Jaida would have just left it at Chapter 25 like they did for ages. Everyone is all happy, the wonderful, agonizing UST is finally gone, replaced by amazingly adorable and relatable couples. And it ends on a positive note. Chapter 26 is just kind of sad (in the emotive way, not in the pathetic way), and I alternate wanting to hug and slap Peter, but there are some good James & Lily and Remus & Sirius bits too. I mean, it's a good chapter, and necessary because of how the story has to go (unless massive AU happens), but to leave it there... I WANT TO HUG ALL THE CHARACTERS.
And I really, really want more. And I'll admit that I'm still sad that they never finished it properly (especially since they promised it wouldn't get abandoned), but I totally, totally understand why it happened the way it did. Life get's in the way of our creative projects sometimes.
And in a way they do give Shoebox a happy ending, of sorts, with Shoebox Potter and the Deathly Hellos. The exceedingly crack-y kind, and therefore the Shoebox kind. It's not really a proper chapter though, is it, but it is the last bit, and there are some spectacular photos too, so I have to love them for that.
Also, I kind of have an AU headcanon in which Shoebox andcopperbadge's Stealing Harry Universes are sort of squashy merged together. Certain events would have to be ignored/timelines tampered with a bit... largest bit being that in SH, Remus & Sirius aren't involved in a Mutual Slurping until Harry is 8 or so. Like I said, timelines and all that jazz can be shuffled around a bit. But I really do love how Jaida & Rave and Sam (copperbadge) all characterize them - and they're so similar too - I could totally see SH's R & S pulling the same shit the same ways SBP's did, and having the same sort of talks and awkwardness and everything. Sam had even mentioned once talking HP with his friend Jaida, and I was all, "Wait,ladyjaida of Shoebox fame? You guys know each other? Sam, does this mean that you've read SBP?!?"  Yes, they know each other, but Sam has never read SBP (sadly). Either way, they all have an amazingly similar view on the characters and how they write them, and damn, I should totally re-read all of the SH universe too.
...Why do my fave HP authors never finish their shit? I mean, really. At least Sam came out and said it was going to be left unfinished (and I think he completed the section/Year he was on), and posted the random bits and scenes that he had for the unfinished parts.
Curses. Sometimes I really hate not having any internet most of the day. Emails are just about it, other than on my breaks. Possibly it's a good thing, knowing how easily I get sucked into things. But I really, really want to start re-reading SH, like, right now.
Totally investigating on break. :D

(I totally did, and it's still so good. ^___^)

Jul. 11th, 2012

Quill-writing Lily

(no subject)

I don't know how much I've talked about it here, if at all, but my grandpa has Alzheimer’s. He's had it for a few years now, but it was pretty sudden - a quick decent, but he's been more or less at the same level for quite a while. He's in a wheelchair all the time now, and he doesn't talk much, and when he does most of its incoherent. He does respond to stories and familiar voices sometimes though, and he'll hold your hand and not let it go. He's surprisingly strong still. He always has been. It's always hard every time I go down and see him because I can't help but remember all of the adventures we'd use to go on growing up.

Right up until a few years ago it was always some combination of camping, hiking, rafting, target practice and games and stories. My love of all things outdoors-y, rough-and-tumble came from all of the family trips we'd used to go on together as an extended family (all the fault of my grandpa and his brother(s)?), as well as the ones with just my family. And I'm not talking about taking a trailer or RV and parking in a state campground, or renting a yurt. That's not really camping. I'm talking about the kind of camping where you pitch a tent in the middle of nowhere and go dig a hole in the woods.  It's thanks to him that I know how to rough it: I love sleeping out under the stars, I'm a pretty decent shot (if a little rusty now from disuse), I can pee in the woods without too much complaint, I can go a week without a shower, and my sense of direction is pretty good. I've done off-trail hiking, using landmarks, moss and sun to guide me (compasses and maps also help, and I'm not bad with those either). I'm quite handy with an ax and have been the Designated Wood-Chopper on some trips. I know how to build and start a fire without newspaper or pre-made kindling (let's go on a gathering trip! Find dry moss and small twigs, then some larger stuff!), and while I haven’t had to use flint, I know the theory and I've watched my dad do it before. I've been in the position of having to apply first aid, both to myself and others when we've been hours if not days away from any real form of help.

If the Zombie apocalypse happens, or I find myself thrown into the Hunger Games, I think it's fair to say I'd be able to last a little while at least, and it's all thanks to my grandpa.

Even when I was a little kid and my grandparents were still living in-town, my grandpa would take my brother and I (and latter my younger siblings as well) for the weekend or the afternoon. Whenever he picked us up in his jeep we'd do a little call and repeat song - Going on a Lion Hunt, and we'd take a round-about route to their house.

The house that I remember most had a massive back yard - I think it was something like a triple lot. The part closest to the house was a beautifully manicured lawn with several huge trees. Each tree had a flowerbed - some with ivy, some with tulips and other flowers- around the base, with a brick edge. In one of the trees he built us a tree house. My brother and I loved it and would spend forever up there. I remember being both a little scared (because it was so high up) and supper excited while he was working on it. The original ladder, I believe, was a rope ladder, and it terrified the shit out of me, so he installed a row of 2x4's screwed into the trunk. This led up to a simple platform high in the branches with a railing around the edge. It didn't have a roof, so it was sometimes slippery and cold and damp up there, but I loved it all the same. I'm having a bit of trouble remembering, but I think my grandpa might have added on a small second level - a crow’s nest, as it were, and that really was just a tiny spot to perch. I don't remember having spent much time up there. Behind this lawn was what I always thought of as a secret and enchanted area: an overgrown sometimes garden, a field of wildflowers, a plum tree and a tangle of raspberry bushes. Next to this was a small forest of bamboo, which shielded from the house and immaculate law an ancient and rusting play structure - the kind with a couple of swings, a slide and some bizarre teeter-totter contraption. While I loved the tree house, I think this shaded, secluded and hidden spot was my favorite, and a prelude to the forts my brother and I would build later, and the hidey-holes I would make for myself. The adults almost never intruded on my enchanted country.

There next place was a home my grandpa built himself and my grandma out in Madras. I remember spending a week or two out there -10 or 12 years ago now- that summer.  The foundation was done, and the base of the floor put in, and I think a lot of the frame and walls were up, but it was still all see-through and roof-less. We ended up pitching our tent in what would be the living room of my Great Aunt and Uncle's house next door. (They were building their houses at the same time.) This new place was a far cry from the lush backyard I was used to, but the landscape had a rugged beauty that couldn't be denied. It helped that their lot faced a massive communal pasture, and several of their neighbors had horses. There was a path all along the outside that I loved to walk around and say hello to the horses that I longed to have, or even just to ride a for a little while, but never could since we lived in the city.

This house was the launch-point of many adventures. Smith Rocks was near-by, and we hiked around and explored that area a number of times. There was also an abundance of BLM land close-by, and that's where I learned to shot a shotgun. At first it was just cans propped up with a cliff-facing behind it, but after that I got to try my hand at clay pigeons. We had a skeet-shooter that we brought with us sometimes, that launched these brightly colored clay discs - think 5" mini Frisbees- high into the air in an arc. The goal, as I'm sure you can imagine, is to shoot it into tiny bits before it gets out of range. The last time I went shooting I whooped my brother's butt at it too. We also set out from there to the Alvord Desert a couple of times - primitive camping and land sailing on a dry lake-bed at the foot of the Stenes Mountains in the very southeast corner of Oregon. Despite the sometimes oppressive heat, the fact that you had to bring all your shade, that the bathroom was a tiny port-a-potty stuck behind some sagebrush, or that the only way to get clean (for varying definitions thereof) was a hot springs nearby which your could use to take a bucket shower (Hop in the hot springs to get wet, hop out, soap up, and dump a bucket of the stuff over your head away from the springs themselves to avoid contamination.), or the crazy-long drive to get there, I loved it. I loved taking the land sailor out for hours on end, sometimes going all the way to the other side of the lake-bed, feeling the rush of wind that took the edge off the heat. I loved sleeping out under the stars. Down there, at least three hours away from the nearest city, you could see everything. I loved watching as the night sky moved; the stars rotating, tracking satellites in their orbits from horizon to horizon, shooting starts streaking past and the moon, ever bright and clear, inching its way up in the sky as I slowly drifted off with a contented smile on my face.

I feel like I'm writing a eulogy, and in a way I am. It seems a bit silly, having this drawn-out and stilted sadness because he's not dead. But he's not really here anymore either, and I miss him more than I can say. What makes him the amazing, strong and capable man that I knew and loved growing up is gone. In his place is a confused old man that drools and yells and babbles incoherently and holds your hand like a lifeline and breaks your heart every time, and it hurts.

Most of the time I'm okay, but most of the time it's because I'm not thinking about it. Then there are times when it just hits me, this trembling wave of sadness, hurt, confusion and longing, and I don't think I've really even started to deal with it or process at all, until perhaps now. Lately I've been listening to this amazing and absolutely beautiful song by Of Monsters and Men called Little Talks. If you don't listen to the lyrics it sounds like a pretty upbeat song with a repeating quirky trumpet line and a couple of voices. The lyrics, to me and my dad at least, tell the story of an aging couple, and the woman has some form of dementia or memory problems. You don't really get that until almost the end though. For most of the song it could be about a couple going through a rough patch it their relationship - possibilities of cheating, etc. but there are a few lines and word choices that make me think it's about an older couple. The bridge at the end get's me every time.

You're gone gone gone away

I watched you disappear

All that's left is a ghost of you

Now we're torn torn torn apart, there's nothing we can do

Just let me go we'll meet again soon

Now wait wait wait for me

Please hang around

I'll see you when I fall asleep

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